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In the last year and a half I have lost two babies. I keep going to the doctor to find out why I could have lost these babies and they can't find anything. I lost my first baby July 24, 2010 and my second on August 8, 2011. The first miscarriage lasted three weeks, where I finally lost the baby and the placenta in the ER. My baby was three days short of 12 weeks. The baby had stopped growing inside me at 6 weeks and 1 day. This was the most traumatic experience of my life. The second baby was lost shortly after I found out I was pregnant. It was quick, happening in about 4 or 5 days total. Though it was shorter, I feel the same now two months later. My husband and I continue to try, but having been married for nearly 3 years, with two losses and unexplained infertility has been hard for us. I realize you all do these hats for parents who have delivered stillborn babies or it seems that way from what I read but I would love it if you would consider my story and consider us a candidate for a hat. Simple things like pictures of Jesus holding a baby, Bible verses, poems, cards and ornaments have brought the most comfort to us, I can only imagine how special it would be to have something like this.
Theresa
I was pregnant with twins. Baby A is still in my belly. Baby B was lost at 9 weeks on 8-01-11.
Kristine
My pregnancy was going great. Less sick than with my first child, less worry since I "knew the drill." I was due April 18, 2011. We went in for my 12 week appointment and were devastated to find out that our baby had no heartbeat. Baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. We are just starting our grieving process and I know it will take much longer to heal emotionally than it will physically. We are trying our best to be thankful for what we have now, and to look forward to future blessings as well. Thank you for this service you provide. I am so scared that this baby will be forgotten about since we don't have anything to remember her/him by.
Nick and Cassandra
At 17w my water broke and it was also discovered that our Rhys was lagging behind in growth due to placenta issues. I decided to carry him to term and cherish every second with him knowing he wasn't going to make it. On Sept 26 he was delivered by emergency c section weighing one pound. Our sweetheart was with us for four hours and seventeen minutes before he left us to sore with the angels. October 11 he will be laid to rest.
Melissa
We lost our baby Alexander Gabriel on Sep 8 2009. It's been a hard road to go through, since it was an early loss we didn't got to see, hold or touch or baby, all we ended up with was with empty arms and a heart full of love for our little angel, the causes were unknown and thankfully I was able to have a rainbow baby girl 1yr later, but I still miss dearly on having a son, although we never got to find out the actual sex I know that I was carrying a beautiful boy
Xlmena
I had not felt Sophia move all day and I called my OB/GYN to see what I should do. He told me to go to the hospital to get checked out since it was better to be safe than sorry. I wasn't really worried as she was a typically lazy baby anyway. I expected to go and hear her heartbeat and laugh at my silliness and go home. Well my expectations were too high that day. I went in and a nurse came in with a hand held doppler and she couldn't find my sweet baby's heartbeat. She then decided to hook me up to the monitor which also didn't detect a heartbeat. She said she would call my Dr in to do an ultrasound as the baby was probably just in a weird position where the heartbeat couldn't be heard very well. My dr arrived shortly after and was performing my ultrasound and I asked if everything was ok, he replied "I'm sorry, but it's not ok" It took a minute or two to register what he was saying. I was in complete shock. I looked over at my husband and tears just rolled down my face. He told me we could begin the induction process now or I could go home and we could do it in a few days after it sunk in. I elected to go ahead and begin. He started using Cytotec on me aound midnight and every 4 hours afterwards. 15 long sad hours later my princess was born. She weighed 1 pound, 6.8 ounces and was 13 inches long.
Jennifer
Me and my significant other wanted to have another baby(Girl) we already have 2 boys ages 2 & 3 and i have a boy and girl from pervious relationships. so we have 4 all together I went in for my 12 week check me and my 12 yr daughter and the doctor couldnt find the heartbeat at that point I knew my baby was gone they sent me to get a sono and confermed that my Angel passed 3 weeks before. This would of been arounfd July 4. i had my D&c on July 27 2011 which we consider our babys birthday. I just have no closure and im crying while i type this. What you do means alot knowing others out there care about Our Angel. Thank you.
Janice
My mother lost my twin sister 7/8/1981 we were born 6 weeks early she was born sleeping and nobody in the family really talks about it . I lost a baby in July 2011 and i feel the pain she has been feeling the past 30 years i think this would give her some comfort and maybe help her with the healing . she has no memories of her no pictures nothing. Thank you and God Bless.
Joyce
She was wanted very much and we took great measures to get pregnant. Everything seemed ok except she kept measuring smal at each ultrasound. We went for a routine checkup on 6-11-10 to find out that she had passed away. The next day I went in to have a D&E. I was alseep through the whole process so I didn't get to see her (which Im not sure I wanted to). The day she was taken from me just happened to be my Moms b-day and she passed away that past April. Her resting place is in an angel with a baby on her lap in our living room. I am thankful that I can look at that angel everyday and know she is with me. I miss her so much that it hurts my heart.
Rhonda
I found out on Valentines day that he had passed. I had just had an ultrasound on the Friday before and everything had been fine. The ER doctor who performed it will always be in my heart- he took extra time and was the one who found out I was having a boy.
April
It starts years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS, the doctors said it would take lots of work to conceive, even fertility treatment, which at the time I was 16 and extremely heart broken. After 7 years of moving past the fact that I couldn't get pregnant naturally, my boyfriend at the time was warned about starting a family with me and it almost being impossible, but his exact words were "I can do it!" And he did!!!! I had no idea I was pregnant until my mother started saying she felt nauseous, cravings, fatigue and all the other sympathy pains and asked all of my siblings if they were expecting including me, I laughed and said "impossible," a few days later I wondered and noticed I was late, come to find out, three positive tests later I WAS PREGNANT!!!! I couldn't believe it! I was so greatfull and couldn't wait to tell everyone! I told my boyfriend who is now my husband in a very cute way and we told the family! It's a feeling I'll never forget 3/20/10 :) sooooo as weeks passed we decided to get married and find out the sex of the baby ASAP. Throughout my pregnancy I spotted and cramped and was told it was normal, which is because of the stretching and what not. We got married June 19, 2010, happiest day of my life! I was marrying the man of my dreams and was having the baby I never thought could have :') then June 20th I cramped really bad off and on all night, then I went to the restroom and felt something coming out, as I reached to feel, I felt something almost like a water balloon. I closed my legs really tight and rushed to the emergency room. After a horrible experience of arm poking, catheter placing and contracting, I was told my son was coming, those cramps were contractions and I was dilated :'( at 19wks I was told he's young and won't survive. The next morning I felt my water break, and not long after I pushed him out :'( my husband on one side my mom on the other... I will never forget the look on their faces when he came out, so little, so quiet, so fast... My sweet baby boy was born June 22, 2010 a day we will always celebrate as the day our lives were changed. We are stronger people today because of our little angel Abel. He stays alive in our hearts and will always be remembered. I'm told how strong I am but if they new, they would know how weak I can be and how there are many times I break. I loved him from the day he was two positive stripes on a stick :') and miss him with all my heart! That's our story...
Cristina
We were thrilled to find out that we were expecting #2 after one cycle of fertility treatments with our DD it had taken five treatments over a years time. Everything appeared to be going well and I had been the HB at 145 at my first OB appt. One day at work I felt what I thought were terrible gas pains and left for the pharmacy to pick something up. Much to my horror I started to bleed very heavily and went straight to the ER where I was diagnosed with a SCH. I had an ultrasound and the HB was still strong but I had a feeling that I was seeing my baby for the last time. I continued to bleed and cramp through the night and had a follow up appt with my OB she confirmed that my baby no longer had a HB, I was devastated. Although our baby was so small the pain of missing our angel is immeasurable. Thank you
Meghan
My son Keziah died at 22 weeks on September 05 2009. He stopped growing approx 4 weeks before that. Don't know how I survived that. The delivery was the most painful.. I also had a stillbirth on March 09 2011 at 34 weeks, don't think I'll ever get over my son Meshach. I had 3 miscarriages before that and I have no living children
Celeste- Trinidad & Tobago
Avi was born in extreme distress and suffered brain damage as a result of a doctor's mistake. He passed away a day later in the NICU of unknown reasons. Not a day goes by, I don't think of him. Thank you for all that you do.
Sarah
Ryen Scott was adored by her father and i and her siblings who were waiting for her and making wonderful plans with her while i carried her in my belly. she was my 5th pregnancy and our fourth daughter.we miss her everyday...since i delivered her tiny still body i got pregnant again , i lost that pregnancy a son at 16 weeks, both late losses were due to causes unknown and were both found to be "perfect"
Christina
My sweet angel was born full term and just perfect the day we left the hospital we found out she was deaf and couldnt hear but still perfect she didn't struggle at month goals or anything from it she seen therapist and all and they were so pleased with the way she was devolping so me and daddy started learning sign language and were super excited we started noticing alivia whizzing so took her to the doctors on friday the day after starting signing and they sound she was fine this was Sept 19, 2008 so we came home and feed her and played with her for a little then laid her down to sleep and when we awoke in the morning of Sept 20, she didn't wake at all through the night but wasn't odd see alivia just started sleeping sometimes through the night so we went to get her to get her ready to go out for my birthday breakfast as my birthday was in 2 days and she was still there was vomit on the outside of her mouth and she was unresponsive so we quick called 911 and started to clear her airways and start cpr but I knew she was gone she was cold to the touch they said she passed sometime early early that morning she was 126 days old 5/17/08-9/20/08 she was and is the most precious thing to me and I will live everyday of my life in memory of my angel
Jaime
My husband and I miscarried our first child in November of last year very early on. We were told we could no longer concieve children without IVF due to damage done in my first miscarriage. We were shocked and pleased to discover we were pregnant again in May. This child was our miricle we had everything working against us and God blessed us anyway. Everything was going wonderful at 8 weeks we got to see him for the first time and hear his little heartbeat. We were picking stuff out praying for boy, but any healthy baby God would give me would have made me just as happy. At 13 weeks we went back to the doctor this time the ultrasound tech never went to retrieve my husband instead she put us in the doctors consultation office along with my mother and told us the heartbeat was gone. They had measured the baby and said it had probably only been a few hours since his little heart stopped beating he was a perfect 13 week along baby. I had my son on July 25, 2011. I have no knowledge to this day of what may have happened to him. I miss him more than anything I am excited to have something to remember him by.
Jessica
I am currently Pregnant with my first child. Hearing the news that I was going to be a mommy came to me as unsure, and nervous. I knew in my heart from the beginning I would be having a little boy. I started buying clothes for him (not knowing for sure but hoping for a him) from the begining. I have a collection of every size you could imagine. Shopping for him made it more "real". I never really felt pregnant, until I felt him kick. Even at my first 3 ultrasounds, (being high risk due to hypoglycima) Seeing him in there, hearing his heart. It was sureal to me. Every time we seen him he was moving, waving, "boxing" it looked like, and from the start we said he was going to be our little fighter. The news came to me at my 18w ultrasound. We were supposed to going to find out if it was a boy or girl, as we watched our little man box away at Mommy's tummy, we talked about plans for his future, what he will look like, how excited this was all becoming. He was stubborn and wouldn't let us see anything! He was very shy at first. I was disappointed to be leaving without knowing the gender of my child, but when the tech told me she was taking us to another room to talk to the doctor tears streamed down my face. I knew then and there that something wasn't right. I looked at zach, and said "They just don't make you see the doctor after an ultrasound, I'm scared." My sister called my mom and told her we didn't yet know the sex, and we were waiting for the doctor to talk to us, I think then and there she knew too. The doctor came in with high hopes for us, she told us not to worry she sees these things all the time, but she was sending us to a geneticsest the next morning. She seen little cysts on his brian, and his organs where on the outside of his body, she said these would be easy fixes and babies are born with these kinds of things all the time. The thing she was concerned with was she couldn't get a clear view of his heart. The next day sticks clear in my mind. A 3d ultrasound is supposed to be something fun and a preview of your little baby. This time i had a huge support system with me. We all laughed and talked about the baby as yet again he was boxing at my stomach. The specialist came in after the scan with tough news. "The hardest part of my job is delivering bad news", with tears down my face I looked at her in disbelief as the words came out of her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Your baby isn't going to live." that was about all i could hear, over and over in my mind. "We can do an amino to make sure but I am positive he has Trisomy 18." I decided to let them do the test, I didn't think I could feel pain after having my heart ripped out, but when they injected the needle i was in unbaring pain all I could do was cry even harder. They put a wet towel over my face and told me I was doing great. I wasn't doing great I was hurt in so many ways, I squeezed my fathers hand and cried. When the test was over i suddenly remembered her saying "He has Trisomy 18" He? Did she see something we all missed? She knew how bad I wanted her to tell me he was a boy, but I had to be sure, so I asked, "Do you think I'm carrying a boy?" She said she was 80% sure, and I cried even more. A boy is what i dreamed of having since day one. Counciling followed my apt. I decided I will never go back to the hospital I was at because of this session. They where very dry, they told me my "options" and sugested termination. The choice never even crossed my mind. They talked about funerals and how to go about the death. My baby wasn't dead and it hurt worse to even think about the things they were saying. I left the hospital in tears, with a heavy heart and tired eyes. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and everything be okay. I learned quickly that doesn't happen. I think I was in denial for a while, but it later set in. apt after apt, with no good news. I was standing in faith with support all around the world, and yet i felt so alone. when the test came back confirming the diagonoses I cried even more. Why me? the next few days I kind of was in depressed mode, and didn't do anything. I learned quickly that I didn't have many "real" friends, they were scared and didn't know how to approach me. Most of them still don't know what to say. I have been through so much in the past month, learning that hes only 14oz, he is too weak to go through surgery, and it would be a miracle if he makes it full term. I won't give up though, I am determined to spend time with my son, My little Boxer Briggham.
Kayla
It was an unexpected pregnancy but I was so happy. All of my doctor visit were fine up until the 20 week ultrasound. My tech walked out to get my doctor after looking at my baby for 10 minutes. I waited for my doctor to come in and when she did the look on her face said it all. She held my hand and told me that they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was heartbroken. All i could do was cry. They told me that after i deliverd her they could figure out what went wrong. I had my beautiful baby girl on Septmber 15 at 4:00pm. I held her and cried for hours. After they took her back to get her ready for the funeral. The doctor told me that she had a tiny knot in her cord and they couldnt see it in an ultra sound. I miss her every day but I know she would want me to be strong.
Kimberly
so i found out I was pregnant in march. Me and my boyfriend were hoping on having a second child. We have a little boy that is 5 yrs old so we tried for another. I felt like she was going to be a girl. We had an ultrasound coming up in the next week. But than the unexpected had happened I went into labor at only 20 weeks.It was July 31st the night i went into labor they had done an ultrasound only to see that my water had not broke but it had punctures i guess. she had came the next morning at 7:40 am on August 1st 2011 and then we had found out she was my little girl, not only my little girl but my little angel i had a name picked out for her, but not a little boy yet. It has been 10 days since she came into my world and I gotta say as time goes by it is not getting any easier. I would greatly appreciate a hat to comemerate her life has been lost. Thank you very much.
Kristie
September 8, 2011, our first child- our son was to be born. A life with him was already talked of daily, dreams for the future of our family were made. On April 25- the beginning of the end took over. We went to L&D thinking I was just being a crazy pregnant woman. Turns out my cervix was dilated, membranes bulging, his head can be seen. Survival rate of a 20.5 week baby was zero. I slept basically upside down that night and by a miracle our perinatologist was able to give me an emergent cerclage. It worked! 7 weeks on strict bedrest in the hospital and we were going to be safe. I was cleared to go home to spend the last weeks on bedrest. I woke up on Saturday June 4 feeling happy and positive about our son. My nurse came in to check his heart rate and there was none. I became surrounded by the top perinatologists and drs and nurses in an instant. I watched the sonogram screen and for the first time he wasn't wriggling all around- our favorite site of his beating heart was no more. I had developed obstetric cholestasis and was treated too late. Our son LD was stillborn on June 6, 2011 at 26 weeks 2 days. He was 1.15 and 15 inches. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him, look at his pictures, and feel so much love for him.
Lauren
My daughter was born sleeping due to my incompetent cervix. I started having contractions at 19 weeks, was admitted into the hospital and tried multiple things to stop them, Four days after being admitted, they decided to do an amnio, they just knew I had an infection and that is why I was having contractions (which I ended up not having) .. But just 12 hours of having that test done, my water broke and Emma was born 4 hours later .. Slipped into this world so quitely.. March 25, 2011... My life forever changed.. Emma Gail, Forever Loved, Never Forgotten♥ ... Thanks for listening... Xoxo
Kelly
it all started sunday may 22, 2011. I was 30 weeks along and I went to Chicago for one of those 3d/4d ultrasounds but the tech was having trouble taking photos of my baby girl because she was curled up in a ball. We tried everything to move her but we couldn't. The lady did not tell me she couldnt find her heart beat but called my obgyn the next morning and informed them about my visit. My drs nurse called and had me come in and my dr also couldnt find my babygirls heartbeat so had me go in for an emergency ultrasound. That tech couldnt find it either so they determined i had lost my babygirl....i went in tuesday may 24th to be induced to give birth to my angel as a stillbirth. She was born silent at 5:49pm 1lb 5oz. 13inches long... it has been almost 2 months and still no answers yet... they said she had been gone for a few days because there was almost no fluid left and parts of her skin had started peeling. <3 RIP Savannah Elaine Berumen-Owens. mommy& daddy love and miss you bunches! <3
Melissa
I had been excited, this was going to be my second child. I had let everyone know. I should have waited, but I couldn't, I was so excited. I had woken and went off to do my first morning pee and as I wiped, I knew something didn't feel right. So I looked and I was in shock. I called for my husband I told him. He went to get my mom. I had called my doctors to get help. They told me I was miscarrying. I hadn't even had my first appointment yet. It just shouldn't be happening. I had my husband call my Dad to tell him what was happening. I could here my dad yell "what do you mean". I couldn't talk. I was broken. I never saw my little one. I couldn't look as I was passing my child. I love my baby and know I we will meet again. March 2009 Due Oct 2009
Amanda
Paul and I were thrilled to discover we were pregnant with fraternal twins after 3.5 years of infertility and 10 months of fertility treatments. This was our first ever pregnancy. We were both cautious and a little anxious the whole time, especially after our daughter, Baby A, had a small placental abruption early on. I spotted almost the entire pregnancy, but was always assured everything was fine. We saw our babies on 7 ultrasounds, always healthy and growing a little ahead of schedule. On Thursday, August 4th, I felt a little gush and was instructed to go to the ER. After 6 hours the on-call OB came in and delivered the news: our Baby A's water had broken and there was virtually no fluid left, and both babies showed signs of distress. She gave us our options and we decided to go to Labor & Delivery to be induced. Our baby girl was born 6 hours later at 6:14 a.m., and her brother followed at 6:18 a.m. Our nurses took such loving care of their tiny bodies, cleaning and arranging them and leaving them with us in their isolet until we left the hospital the next day. We are fortunate that our families were able to come and meet the babies, and also fortunate that the hospital called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep so that we can have beautiful photographs to remember them by. The nurses made a memory box for us that contained their foot and handprints, their blanket and some other things, but hats they included, while precious, were huge and could have fit their entire bodies. This is by far the most difficult thing either of us have experienced, and we will never forget. Thank you so much for offering this service.
Amy and Paul
I have been doing something similar since the l980's for Ingalls Hospital in Harvey, IL. I make up Loss Kits which are given to every Mom on the unit that looses a baby regardless of gestation. It is a small blanket, stuffed bear, a quilted Bear for the door to alert everyone on the Unit that this Mom's has no baby. In addition, I created a sympathy card that is sent out to the family to remind them we are there for them and care about them. At this time, we are blessed with the talents of our Women's Auxillary and Quilters who knit our hats for all babies born. Just recently we began receiving the TINY Hats for the small ones.
Norma
She was a healthy vibrant little girl from thee day I found out I was pregnant. We looked forward to her arrival. I developed Cholestasis of Pregnancy, which is when your gallbladder and your liver aren't working together and the bile acids build up and spill into your blood stream. I went in on Monday 23 May 2011 to have a NST done. She was healthy vibrant and had the strongest heartbeat I had heard the entire time I was pregnant with her. The next day, 24 MAY 2011, I went into labor. That evening after my husband got home and we arrived at the hospital the nurse was hooking me up to the fetal monitor. She began searching frantically for Dakota's heartbeat. I thought nothing of it because her heartbeat was always hard to find because she moved around so much. They the nurse went to get the ultrasound tech and machine. Then the Doctor came in and I knew. I will forever be haunted by the words "I'm sorry honey but your baby is gone. When was the last time you felt her move?" I didn't remember. When she passed we don' know and due to military health care politics the autopsy wasn't done like normal ones, so I will never know what happened to my baby. I'll never know if it was my body or the condition or the medication that they give me the day before. We miss you so much Dakota, I know you walk with us. We love you sweetie, Mommy & Daddy
Amber
We were so surprised to find out we were pregnant in December 2006 (our son was only 9 months old at that time)...I was a little nervous, knowing we'd have 2 little ones in diapers, plus all of the financial "stuff" that comes along with having another baby. After a few weeks, I got really excited about having another baby, but I had "a feeling" that we'd never hold our little one. I tried to push that aside, and sure enough, in February, I began spotting. After a trip to the ER, we found out that our baby was fine, with a healthy heartbeat. Sadly, the next night, I began bleeding more, and cramping, and we lost our baby on February 23, 2007 at just 10 weeks. Losing our baby was the hardest thing we've gone through, but we have so much hope....we know she is being held in the arms of our Lord and Savior--the safest place she could be .
Michelle
"I'm sorry we can't find a heart beat" I will never get her voice out of my mind ... oh how I wish I could erase that day. I am watched closely in pregnancy since I have a history of miscarriage (this was our 4th loss) but I really thought we were in the clear as I drove to this appointment. We had seen his heartbeat at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, so strong and normal. I was hoping to see it again at 12 weeks, along with tiny arms and feet. Instead all was silent and still and my heart broke open all over again. So heartbreaking! I have been blogging about grieving this time, I think it has been somewhat healing: http://asijourneythroughloss.blogspot.com/ Heather
My story starts with our first pregnancy in 2004, just a few months after we were married. We were very excited to be starting our family so soon, and the excitement was compounded when we discovered to our surprise at 20 weeks that we were having twins, both boys. We named them in the womb, Ezra Augustine and Ethan Patrick, and began setting up a nursery for two shortly after. At 30 weeks we went for a scheduled ultrasound with the high-risk doctors since we were now considered high-risk because of a twin birth. I'll never forget how beautiful that day was and how excited we were to be seeing our boys for a 2nd time. The technician gave us a glowing report on one baby, but said the other didn't look like it was as developed as it should be for that stage of gestation. Everything slowed down in my brain as I tried to process what this meant. I think my husband was understanding it faster. I was thinking, "There is going to be something wrong with this baby." The tech said she would send in the doctor to talk with us, and my husband came to me and we cried together as I realized she was saying that one of our babies had died. The next couple of weeks were a blur. We had lots of non-stress tests to monitor the health of the baby that was still living. I see-sawed between an overwhelming peace that our babies' lives were in the hand of the Lord and being terrified that the surviving baby was going to die too. We painfully took down the 2nd crib from the nursery and prepared ourselves for the now necessary C-section, since the baby who had died was blocking the birth canal, making the natural birth we were trying for impossible. At just three days short of 33 weeks, I went into labor, and for two days, the doctors attempted to hold off labor and give steroid shots to boost the baby's lung development. But at one day short of 33 weeks, our boys were born. Ezra Augustine, at 12 inches, 12 oz, and Ethan Patrick, at 3 lbs. 13 oz. Ethan went directly to the NICU and I to recovery, but in a few hours, we were given the blessed opportunity of holding our tiny Ezra, and I will always treasure those moments. We also had the blessing of a funeral for him with friends and family a few days later. Ethan, after 17 days in the NICU, came home, where he continued to grow and prosper by the grace of God, and will soon turn 7 in a few months, feisty and healthy, and a great joy to our family. We still often think of Ezra on birthdays, milestones, and everyday life, and wonder what our lives would be like if he were here with us, an identical twin to Ethan. Though we were never able to find out any earthly reason for his death, we are confident that our God is a loving God and that our little Ezra's life, though it was short, fulfilled, and perhaps is still fulfilling, ALL the purpose God meant for it. 2 1/2 years years after our twins were born- one surviving, one still born-, we were longing for another child and delighted to find we were expecting again when I miscarried, a physically and emotionally painful miscarriage at 5 weeks into the pregnancy. We named this baby Hananel, meaning, "God is gracious" in Hebrew. 3 years after the stillbirth of one of our twins, and 5 months after an early miscarriage, I miscarried again at 8 weeks into my pregnancy. I found myself dealing this time with an anger that surprised me, and I fought with the fear that I might never carry another baby to term, but the Lord calmed my heart again with an assurance of His perfect love and sovereignty over all things, and we gave this baby a name similar to the name of our first miscarried baby, also meaning "God is gracious," Johanan. During all three of our losses the words to the hymn, "God Moves in A Mysterious Way" were a great comfort to us.
Rebekah
I was married in 2000. We wanted a family soon, as we both love children. In 2002, I was diagnoised with a spinal disease. I saw over 20 doctors, who all said that I shouldn't get pregnant. Finally, in 2007, my OBGNY said that if I really wanted children, that I should try. We did some research, and decided to trust God. I had my first son, Channing in January 2008 with no problems. In 2009, we decided to start trying again. We wanted a little pal for our son. I lost my first baby in June of 2009 at 5 weeks. We got pregnant right away again, and lost that baby in November 2009, right before Thanksgiving. I actually had my D&C on the day before my birthday. After this loss, I felt God wanted me to write a book. I couldn't find a book that ministered to women, who lost babies, except for specific stories, or medical books. I decided to write my story, along with adding stories of other women in it. I have nearly 20 stories, besides mine, for the book, so far. About three months later, we were pregnant again. I had a very difficult pregnancy this time due to my spinal disease. Carter was born in February of 2010. We are in the process of trying for #5 now. God has blessed us along this path, and we look forward to sharing those blessings with others
Holly
On April 19, I went for my 18 week anatomy scan so we could find out the sex of the baby. It was a boy and they confirmed that I was 18 weeks, 3 days along, confirming my due date of about September 17. Everything looked great on the ultrasound - he measured well and everything appeared to be progressing perfectly. The next day, April 20, was my next scheduled doctor's appointment, so we went for our regular check-up, but I did mention that I had been having some really strange discharge with a little spotting since the night before. My doctor decided to swab me and see if I maybe had bacterial vaginosis and instead she found that I was 4cm dilated and she could feel my bag of water bulging. She had me taken by ambulance to the hospital and performed an emergency cerclage on me a few hours later. She explained to us after that my cervix was very thin and she had to do a different type of stitch in order to be able to put a cerclage in at all. After waking from the procedure, I started having contractions that they were able to moderate with magnesium sulfate. The next day, however, every time they tried to turn down the magnesium (because I was a total zombie from it), my contractions would pick right back up. I had several shots in my arm to stop them, pills and later that night I thought I felt amniotic fluid leaking. They finally called my doctor and she decided that because I was leaking fluid, it was time to reverse our actions and deliver. I gave birth only an hour or so later to our sweet little boy, Chase Austin Miller at 9:40pm. He was 8" and 7.5oz and he lived for about 5 minutes before passing away. He was born at 18 weeks and 5 days.
Stefanie
At the beginning of my pregnacy I started having problems, I had a bleeding on my placenta and the doctor told me I had a 50% of keeping him, 8 weeks passed I thought everything was fine until I had pains and went to the ER, he still had a heart beat but hours later he ended up passing away. He was my little strong one making it to 18 weeks.
Laura
I am 26. I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks along, and miscarried at 12 weeks along. I've been having a lot of trouble putting it behind me. Although the pregnancy was unplanned, I was overjoyed, especially with the fertility problems the women in my family have. The few people who know act like I should move on, as if it wasn't a baby yet. But to me he was everything.
Jessica
Wrapped up warm and toasty against the February cold, my husband filmed my 2 year old daughter and I as we bundled into the car and headed to my high-risk OB to find out the sex of our little bear. We were so excited. I haven't yet been able to go back and watch that home movie of that day that began so happy and ended in such grief. The tech started the scan and and I knew as soon as I saw it that there was something not quite right, little bear was in there wiggling away but the image was fuzzy and difficult to see.The tech remained very quiet. When she was finished she said she needed to go get the doctor as he always liked to look over everything. The perinatologist came in and looked at our baby for over 45 minutes, we anxiously waited. He finally said, "I am so sorry but your baby has developed without kidneys or a bladder, there is barely any amniotic fluid, your body is the only thing keeping the baby alive." He proceeded to inform us of our opinions. I was numb. I am high risk because I have a heart condition, so my husband and I decided to be induced and have our little bear. Our little bear was born sleeping on Feb 25th at 2.25pm, a perfect little sleeping doll. Our nurse told us we had had a little boy, she delicately washed and dressed him in a tiny handkerchief, and gave him to us to hold. I didn' want to let him go, he looked so much like his sister and daddy. He was so long, and had long fingers and beautiful lips. Had he been born on his due date we would have just celebrated his 1st birthday. Happy Birthday Little Bear, we love you so, so much. Laura
When I entered the hospital on June 2, 2011, I knew that our 19 week old daughter was no longer living. I knew that I had to enter the labor and delivery unit to deliver my baby and take nothing home. It was a regularly scheduled appointment, I had no reason to think my daughter was not thriving as nature intended in my growing belly. When a heartbeat was not found, my doctor didn't seem immediately concerned, I thought maybe she was hiding. We went to ultrasound, I saw my baby's head right away and it was perfectly still. I knew right away that she was no longer with us, I sobbed, my husband sat confused wondering why I was so upset. The doctor took more time to examine her with the ultrasound and then said, "I am so sorry." Finally my husband realized why I had been hysterical. We left the office in a mad dash out the doors. I went to my car and screamed, cried, and called my mom. The doctor called an hour or so later and discussed our options, a D & E or labor and delivery. My doctor is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. I trust her completely. When I knew she would not perform the D & E I knew I had to go through labor. I couldn't let my daughter be "scraped" out of my body. At that point, we didn't even know the sex of our baby. I entered the hospital the next morning, I was in a complete stage of shock, this wasn't really happening to me. I labored for 16 very long hours, and then she slipped out....with just a turn to roll over to my side, she was there. The umbilical cord was wrapped very tightly two times around her left leg. A freak accident my doctor called it, 1 in 10,000 chance of this happening. Of course I was the 1 in 10,000. My husband and I held her in our arms, I wish it would have been longer now. My doctor sat with us on my bed and shared in my grief holding no emotions back. "This little girl has a purpose", she said, "we don' know what it is now but there is a reason she is here." It was 3am now, two sleepless nights, an empty belly where my daughter was, chaplins visiting one after the other. With two folders, a box with a baby blanket that never even touched our daughter, two hospital bracelets and "inspirational quotes" on my lap, I was wheeled out of the hospital to my vehicle. No car seat in the back, no baby in my arms, no warm happy feelings. Just a box, anger and a silent car ride home...
Stephanie
I am the blessed mother of a 9-year-old boy. In our quest to give him a sibling, we tried for more than 5 years to have a successful pregnancy again. Finally, after two early miscarriages, we were so thrilled to be pregnant again. We waited to tell anyone, and rejoice in the news ourselves, since the last twopregnancies hadn't made it past 4 weeks. We made it through the first trimester, and once we saw sonograms and heard heartbeats and were assured that the baby was healthy, we told our son about his brother/sister and started preparing the nursery. Our son was thrilled, he started reading bedtime stories to my stomach and talking/singing to the baby. Three days before we were to find out the sex, I started having flu-like symptoms and some spotting. I panicked, called the doctor (who was surprisingly nonchalant and told me to wait and see), then drove myself to the hospital. Once there, the nurse could not find a heartbeat. I can remember feeling like the walls were closing in on me. My first thought was my son, who was 6 at the time, then that I was supposed to host a baby shower the next day for a good friend. Only after the initial shock did I realize what my life was about to entail-that I was going to have to be hospitalized and actually deliver. My other miscarriages had been so early that I had been able to deal privately at home. So we got to go home that night, in all that grief, and tell our son. Then I got to pack up the next morning and go off the hospital to get induced. It was hideous, to be there at the same hospital in the same maternity ward where I had celebrated the birth of my son, listening to and seeing other mothers-to-be preparing for their exciting birth. And I got to have all the tests, labor, deliver, then leave empty-handed. That was the hardest part. Going through all of that-then leaving the hospital with nothing. Except for sadness. The hardest part of dealing with the grief-is the "why," because we didn't really get an answer. And my son asks why, and I have nothing I can tell him. I know life isn't supposed to be "fair," but completely unfair is just such a hard pill to swallow. So while I've dealt with my grief somewhat, and gotten to where I can be around babies without crying, I still search for some understanding and peace from this test in my life. Hopefully someday I'll find it.
Megan
We lost our first child at 17.5 weeks gestation. He was not growing as he should have been and I had low amniotic fluid. I was sent to high risk and he told us that his legs and arms were short and that there was probably a genetic condition. We had to have a CVS test because there was no fluid for an amnio. That brought on his early birth. Come to find out all his tests were normal, he was perfect!! We had lots of blood work ran and I have 2 bloodclotting disorders that contributed to his loss. We have gone through 3 1/2 years of constant fertility treatments with no luck. We had exhausted all of our resources and decided to take a much needed break. 3 months later a miracle happened, we got pregnant on our own. We never got to hold William and never got a memory box or pictures. That is one thing I cant seem to get over. I did not know what to ask or what our options were regarding him.
Kristen
My sons were born at 24 weeks gestation. They were born on April 22 1981 in Portland Ore. Matthew died at 1 in the morning on the 23rd and Joseph was taken off of life support on the 24th. In 1998 I married my husband Todd whose birthday is on the same my boys were born. What an amazing gift I have now.
Robin
My husband and I were thrilled to be expecting our second child. At about 5 months pregnant we found out that we were having another son. Also at this time we found out that the baby had a congenital heart defect. We went to see many specialists and arrange for our son to have open heart surgery as soon as he was born. We also learned that our son had Down Sydrome. We chose to name our son Caleb because the name Caleb means brave one and our son sure was brave. At 39 weeks I went in for a routine stress test but the baby had no heart beat. Caleb was stillborn. Caleb would be 7 years old. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Caleb. I miss him so much, but I know that he is an angel now. I know Caleb watches out and protects me and my family everyday.
Karen
I woke up one night having weird pains, cramps. With my daughter I was induced and had a c-section so I never knew what labor pains were. It was not painful, but I told my fiance that I felt weird and to take me to the hospital. We got to the hospital and registered, they told me to go sit in the waiting room and I would be seen soon, but I stood up and there was blood everywhere. I had started hemorrhaging. We lost our Angel that night, We named him Angel to remind us that we had one in heaven watching down on us!
Marilyn
My story.....On June 26th 2009 i was in an accident where a car going over 55 miles per hour slammed into the back of my vehicle as i was stopped to turn. The seat belt tightened too tight across my belly. It was not seen at that time but it caused a teeny tiny tear in my placenta which gradually over the next few months got worse and worse despite the CONSTANT bed rest. Docs said babies were fine though and growing and thriving fine. If i stayed on bed rest i should have no worries. On july 23 i went in for an ultrasound and was told my boy twin..(twin B) was significantly smaller than my twin girl (twinA). I was sent to a specialist who confirmed it. At that time i was 22 weeks. I was told if i could make it to 24 weeks they would start injections to help the baby's lung and discuss delivery options but i was told the boy would probably not make it and i would have to decide what i wanted to do. In other words risk 1 who had little chance of living or risk both a decision i did NOT want to make. Well the lord obviously saw that because on July 31st i was admited into the hospital. Baby boy had infection in his water and was also leaking water. They held me at our local hospital and told me if i made it to 24 weeks they wold transfer me to the bigger hospital. But on friday august 07th 2009 at 11 pm 23 weeks pregnant i went into labor for the 3 rd time and this time they were unable/unwilling to stop it. i delivered my girl Natalia in the bathroom at 2:22 am with no nurse present or doctor whatsoever and my little boy Santiago at 2:22 with the assistance of a nurse. My Natalia survived with no attempts by medical staff to rescessutate for 2 hours and my son Santiago only a short hour. I miss them both sooo very very much......the main reason i am requesting these hats is because i was given a hat for each of them at the hospital but when i delivered them to the funeral home they never gave them back to me and i later found out they were cremated with them. I was devastated. I wanted every material keepsake of them possible and their hospital bracelets (also cremated with them) and hats are both now gone forever. It is still something to this day that makes me very very sad and if i would be able to have one of these i would be so very very greatful!!!!!!
Tina
My Natalia is an angel sent from above to save my life. I love her and i will always miss her.
Perla
I have a son who was born in 2003. I lost my next two pregnancies early on, one in 2007 at 7 weeks (D & C) and one in 2008 - at 5 weeks, but waited to miscarry naturally at 12 weeks. We were so excited at the end of 2008 to be expecting again (and a little scared too). We went to the first appt. and actually saw a little beating heart! We had many ultrasounds, etc. and everything was looking great. We went to our normal monthly appt., and we brought our son with us at 19 weeks so he could hear the heartbeat and see the baby on the monitor. He was in the room with us when the doctor could not find a heartbeat. We were devastated and our son (who was 5 at the time) could not understand and had to be taken out of the room while the doctor's performed multiple ultrasounds looking for a heartbeat. I waited until the next day to have another high powered ultrasound hoping against hope that our baby was somehow "hiding", although in my heart I already knew he was gone. The ultrasound confirmed the death of the baby, and the body was so distorted on ultrasound, they could not tell me the sex of the baby. I was sent to the hospital to start my labor so I could deliver the baby. He was delivered 6 years to the day that I had my firstborn son, at almost the same time - April 15, 2009. He had a knot in his umbilical cord and this was the confirmed cause of death. We named him Aidan Jonathan, we were able to hold him, pray over him, and say goodbye to him. Not a day goes by where we don't think about him. After giving up hope of ever having any more children, we became pregnant again last year and after much struggle, a few stays in the hospital, and many scares, we had another baby boy on January 21, 2011 - a true blessing we have named Liam. If nothing else, I try to tell couples to never give up hope of having a child or more children. We are a living testament that dreams do come true. All children are miracles, and we are thankful for all 5 of ours and can't wait to be reunited with our 3 that are waiting for us in heaven. Thank you in advance for what you do.......having something tangible to hold on to would be wonderful. I can relate to the clothing in the hospital not fitting, and the hat we do have was too big and has a blood stain on it, so it is hard for me to look at. What you do is a true blessing for all angel moms. I will keep you in my prayers.
Michelle
I delivered my beautiful baby boy still July 21,2010. It will almost be 1 year. I was 26 weeks along. How beautiful was my angel. He was perfect in every way but so quiet. I just finished his baby book this week and as I was going through the pictures I remembered his clothing that we tried to put on him in the hospital but nothing fit... not even the micro-preemie clothing that the volunteers at South West Washington Medical Center hand craft for these special babies. I would like a small hat to keep in Jose's keepsake box. Just one thing that I can hold on to that I know would have fit him. I think this tiny, delicate little white hat would be a wonderful thing to add to his keepsake box on his one year anniversary. Thank you and God bless you.
Bethany
Gracie was born at 19 weeks due to me having an incompetent cervix. She was so beautiful and tiny.... Just perfect! I miss her so much and think about her everyday! She is my little angel.
Amanda
I just learned of this and have been in the dark for 35 years. He would have been my first born along with his twin sister. I could never imagine why I have been at peace these last 35 years after leading such a chaotic childhood. I was always angry. It was as if a hand was soothing my brow.
Mark
My precious baby girl was born at 26wks. I had an Eclamptic seizure & HELLP Syndrome so there was no option but to deliver her. Well, I was too sick to make that decision so it was made for me, I would have chosen any other option possible to keep her inside where she belonged. She lived in the NICU for 2 days before we had to remove her breathing tube. Her tiny lungs were not strong enough to handle the machine breathing for her and were slowly tearing under the pressure. We needed to end her pain and so our journey began.
Stephanie
When we found out we were expecting our fourth baby, our family was over the moon. My 3 sons were SO excited! Every conversation revolved around making plans that included "the new baby". At 11 weeks I started bleeding, the doctors were so reassuring, telling me everything would be fine. At 17 weeks my water broke. I was sent home and told to wait to go into labor or develop a fever. I lasted 10 long days and one terrible morning I woke up with cord prolapse. I was taken by ambulance to a local hospital, where I was told our baby had passed away. I went through 24 hours of labor before having my 4th csection to deliver him. He was tiny, but perfect! We said goodbye to Benjamin on April 18, 2009. It broke our hearts. Thank you so much for doing this for all of us.
Christina
I found out I was Pregnant and was so happy. Everything was going well see my baby's heartbeat at a scan i had at 6 weeks. Was growing a very nice baby bump and occasionally felt the baby move then when I went for my next scan to make sure everything was ok. They told me my baby had died my world came crashing down around me. My baby should of been born on 6th April 2011 instead he was born 6 months early on the 29th September 2010. He is always in my heart and I miss him more and more everyday xx
Suzanne
I had wanted a child since my 20s, but was infertile. At 39, I became pregnant. I had such dreams for this child. I am surviving because of my faith in God and his goodness. I will not have my child in this world, but know that I will be with him for eternity in heaven. I am requesting a hat to have something in this world of my angel baby. I thank you for this site, the stories, the music, and the love shared here is such a comfort.
Michelle
I have four angel babies Thomas~Emilia~Taylor and Jordan and I would love a hat for each to put in there memory boxes. Each angel deserves things for there mummy and family to remember them by,just because they never walked on this earth dosnt mean they were not thought of daily and loved and remembered. My eldest angel will be 17 on the 1st July but I still think of him and my babies everyday and sit and wonder where they are and what they look like now.
Claire
I had my son at 23 weeks and 5 days. He lived for two days before he passed away. I'm so grateful that I was blessed enough to have him in my life, even if for such a short period. Having him so soon and losing him has been the hardest experience I've ever been through. However, I'm glad that his birth has brought so much attention to premature birth among my family and friends. I hope that one day there will one day be enough support, and enough technology that no one ever has to experience the loss of a child.
Imaan
I was four months pregnant with twins and went into labor on Easter. They were able to stop the labor but baby Jackson died. I carried his sister to full term and then delivered what was left of baby Jackson. He did not look much like a baby anymore, but still yet he was my baby boy and his sister still feels a void in her life almost 15 years later. I am so glad I found this site and have shared it with several mommys who have also lost. Jackson';s twin sister Jessica will be getting the hat when she gets older. She ws born a normal baby at 38 1/2 weeks and 6lb 2oz. While I did not lose her may I have a light purple hat for her so the two hats always stay together?
Marcella
My daughter was born sleeping at 22 weeks gestation. They brought her to me wearing the sweetest and tiniest hat and gown that I had ever seen. I was in such shock with every thing that was going on that I didn't realize that months later I would regret so much for having her buried with her hat and blanket. I didn't know that I would miss those things almost as much as I miss her. Although it's not the exact same hat, I would love to have one in memory of her.
Melissa
I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cyctic ovary syndrome) at the age of 21 and at that time I was also told by the doctor that I would have a hard time having a baby with out any help of fertility drugs. So on April 28th 2009 I had this weird feeling something was going on in my body so I took a pregnancy test and 5 tests later I finally got it into my head that we were pregnant and that the doctor was wrong. As excited as we were I pictured a perfect pregnancy. I hurried and called the doctor to hurry and be seen (Due to the PCOS I became insulin resistant and needed to be on some method of controlling my sugars) About a week later I saw the doctor and wasnt put on any insulin or prenatal vitamins and just took blood work to confirm the pregnancy. When the doctor called me he didnt sound chipper, and told me my hormones dropped and that I had a miscarriage. I was so heart broken. He also wanted to make sure everything was out so scheduled me for a ultrasound a few days later. Because it wasnt going to be a happy result ultrasound my husband didnt come with. So as the ultrasound was being preformed the technician at the time was smiling, and informed me that I was indeed pregnant and around 12 weeks. At that time you can imagine I switched doctors and was on the right path. As protocol goes I had blood work done to test for spina bifida and all the other "wonderful" syndromes and diseases, which I though were going to be fine. NOPE has to be me who has a abnormal blood work, testing positive for spina bifida. My doctor then sent me to have a level 2 ultrasound. At that time we found out I was having a boy and that he has severe spinal stenosis, and multiple anomalies. at 21 weeks I had Michael, I was put under and he was "removed". I never got to see him, never got his ashes, and never had ant other info on him other that he was a boy born and passed on July 10th 2009. Although we were very heart broken, life moved on, moving into a new apartment, starting a new position at work, smiling again. As time progressed I started not feeling "right" again and 3 pregnancy tests later on November 28th 2009, I found out we were pregnant again. Tears filled my eyes both of happiness and fear. I couldnt go through that emotional stage again neither could my husband, but we were happy to be pregnant again. As time passes and I get the proper treatment, the baby is healthy and was so active I thought there were two in there. The second trimester comes along and right at the last two days of my 23rd week comes along I start having contractions. Although I never really knew what they felt like, I called the doctor and because there was no blood, discharge or hardness in my belly she said they were round ligament pains and I should lay on my side, take a tylenol and take a nap. So I figured she knew what she was talking about and did just that. A few hours later the pain was so severe I knew I was in labor and we were on our way to the hospital. As soon as I get there they take me into the special care room, get a ultrasound, and try to measure my cervix. No sooner they take a peek blood goshes out and the nurse had the most worried look on her face and says "oh no your fully dilated 10 cm and the baby's water bag is coming down". I kept thinking I hope hes going to be ok. At 12:17 pm I was admitted and by 12:39 pm Noah James Aguilar was born, classical c-section and me again under general knocked out. When I woke up at 3:05pm I had just missed my son alive by 15 minutes. He passed, his heart taking its last beat at 2:50pm. Although its hard to take, Michael we knew was sick and had a chance to say good bye, as hard as it was he was very sick and wasnt going to make it regardless. Noah on the other hand came and went as a surprise. I miss my boys very much, wishing them here is just a dream I have, I know they would have been sick and by keeping them here for my benefit so I wouldnt deal with the heartache is selfish. Now in heaven they are perfect, beautiful, and healthy with no worries, they have each other. Everyday I live with the thought in my head, that I should have went to the hospital sooner and Noah would be ok, but the past is the past and I cant change it. Both of my boys are my Japanese cherry blossom flowers. They are beautiful while they are here and only stay a short time. If I keep my head up it'll be closer to heaven where they are.
Carolyn
This is me, saying goodbye to my daughter as her heart took its last beats. Rebecca Lane was born too soon at 23 weeks and 3 days and because of Calvin's hats, I had at least one thing...ONE THING....that I could put on her little body as I held her. You can see she is wearing her hat in the photo. God bless you for this hat, thank you so much.
Katie
My son was born April 16, 2008. He died within moments of being born. There was nothing the doctors could do. I got to the emergency room and was 6 cms dilated. My doctor didn't believe me when I called about the pressure and pain. He was lost due to a placental abruption. His name was Noah. I will never forget him. I still sleep with his blanket. :(
Bronwyn
We lost our baby at 16 weeks ges., however we did not learn this until our 18 week checkup. I was given some choices, and decided right away to have a d&c. The thought of carrying him around inside me and not being able to hold him made me physically ill. It's been nearly two years now and it still hurts the same. Everyone wants me to move on and try again, but I just don't have the courage or strength to try. I strive continuously to find things to help heal the hurt
Amanda
My wife went into pre-term labor at 25 weeks with twins. Our first identical daughter Leela didn't survive, but gave her strength for her sister Mary. Mary is fighting for her life right now.
Chris & Jennie
I delivered two beautiful boys Dec. 1, 2010. They were only 27 weeks old. Sadly, I lost one. His name was Jonathan Brody Belk. He was an instant angel who went to live with Jesus. I know God is rocking him tonight and singing him the sweetest lullaby! When we laid him to rest we had to fold a preemie hat behind his head so that it would fit. Having a hat that would have actually fit him will mean so very much!
God Bless You and All That You Do!!!
Heather
I just delivered my son, Hagan Mark, on 1/13/2011 at 22 weeks. As I hear over and over again "i can't imagine how you feel" I decided to seek out someone who could. I came across this page and cried. As I cling to a tiny yellow blanket it is nice to know that there is someone who understands how important something tangable is. I would love to have a hat as a reminder of not only of Hagan, but also to let me know that I am not in this alone. That someone else knows this sinking feeling and how bad this feels.
Nikki
Benjamin Spider Reeves was born at 26 weeks weighing 1lb 6oz.He spent almost four months in the NICU.He was a fighter and wanted so badly to be with us.We got to hold him, kiss him, sing read and talk to this amazing baby.He touched the lives of so many.In the end the very thing that kept him alive also ended his life.The ventilator had damaged his lungs too much for him to breathe on his own and his little body was too tired to fight.Our family came together to be with him.We turned the machines off,he passed in his Daddy's arms surrounded by the people who love him,We miss him everyday,Benjamin Spider you will never be forgotten you will always be a part of our lives.
Holly
I delivered my tiny girl, Suzanne on 11/30/10. She was just 18 weeks. I had acute chorioamniotis.I am quite greatful to you for your precious hats...Something to remember my little star.
Chammee'
You and your son have touched me very much. It has been many years since I began my journey as what I feel is not only for my own healing but as a ministry to help others come to there healing. I lost 2 nephews 21 yrs and 22 years ago and then lost 6 Tiny Angels of my own. My Angels were so tiny that I was never able to hold or see them. They were all under 12weeks. I have been a Labor & Delivery nurse for more than 1oyears now and have always been drawn to families going through loss. I am now our units Bearevment Coordinator and have been searching for resources to help our families. Above all , I want to thank you for your devotion to your sons memory as well as those who have suffered the loss of a Tiny Angel. If there is any way possible to recieve hats to help my families in our unit I would be very greatful, as would each of our families. Thank you again for sharing your heart and allowing me to know Calvin through you.
Patricia
I lost my little girl 22 years ago. She was born at 26 weeks and lived for 5 months in the hospital. Her name is Tiffany Rene. She never got to come home, I miss her so much.
Carla
On July 23, 1989 we lost our first son, Nicholas Anthony, at 21 5/7 weeks due to incompetent cervix. He was so perfect and absolutely beautiful. It was the most devasting day of our life. Since our loss I became a nurse and have worked in Labor and Delivery for the last 20 years. 3 years ago our department asked if I would be interested in becoming our Perinatal Bereavement Coordinator and without any hesitation I accepted. Over the past 3 years I feel our program has improved so much in providing our bereaved families with positive memories and momentos of their precious little ones lost. I am in great need of these beautiful hats that would help complete the blankets and buntings we provide.
Lisa
In 1985 I was 22 weeks pregnant and my baby died inside of me. To this day I don't know the sex of my baby,( at that time they induced and took the baby and buried the baby on the hospitals grounds, a unmarked grave) my husband never wanted to know, so out of respect for him I never asked the Doctor. I believe it was a boy for some reason, maybe I'm wrong. It was very difficult at the time, but I believe that our child is with the Lord.
Clare
We lost our Angel, Daniel John Reinhart on 9-17-10 at 17 1/2 weeks, He was so perfect. He had a cord accident. God had a plan for him not on earth, but with him.
Alisa
I went into labor at 23wk and 3 days Oct. 17th just 3 days shy of getting steroids, after contracting for 3 hours "waiting for the magnesium to kick in." The deliver went fast, I had problems breathing and had to be on oxygen. The babies each came out making some squeaky sounds and I was out of it at that point. The babies were born at shift change so it was a mad house, 7:23 Wyatt Henry weighing in at 1.2oz and 11 inches, 7:25 Ava Lillian weighing in at 1.2oz 11.8 inches and a minute later Luke Anthony at 1.3oz and 11.8 inches
The babies survived birth and the next few days in the NICU, Luke who was the bigger and healthier baby during the pregnancy had the worst lungs and 5am on the 20th we got an urgent call. He was not well and we had to let him go at 10:30am. So much was wrong with him and he couldn’t fight it.
Wyatt was following all the health problems as Luke just a few days after so we had to make a hard decision that Monday for what was best for his declining health... that Tuesday Ava, who had been strongest and still was stronger, started having lung problems, liver, kidney, brain bleed you name it all 3 of my babies had it. We now faced losing both our surviving babies. We felt that if Wyatt and Ava were healthy enough we were going to wait a week before letting them go. This allowed us time to grieve the loss of Luke and allow our other 2 children more time to know their brother and sister, it was the best thing we could have done. We got to change diapers, take temperatures, and help the nurse with caring for them.
Sat Oct 30th Ava was so weak at that point as her lungs were flooded with fluid she did not attempt to breath and passed an hour after the support was stopped. Wyatt on the other hand felt he was going to stay with us for 3 hours...I tell you my son was the weakest and worst off and he laid in our arms breathing!!! I put him on my chest and fell asleep while my chin rested gently on his head so I could feel him breathing. It was the worst day of my life and will remain to be. I am trying to find the joy in this nightmare and in time I will but for now I am here managing. My miracle angel’s survived birth, they lived for 13 days and despite the health problems Wyatt was breathing on his own. My story sucks to tell but they are still miracles not matter the out come.
Kathryn
Thank you so much for doing something for the tiniest of Angels. My daughter was stillborn at 19 weeks 5 days and the hospital had nothing that fit her. I have been sad about that for the longest time. You have inspired me to try and do something similar here in North Carolina. Thank you for being so sweet!!!
Amanda
I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the adorable hat and note! I can't tell you how much it means for someone to acknowledge my son Dominic. The note touched my heart deeply and the hat was perfect. I wish I could have had Dominic wear it, but just knowing it would have fit him perfectly is very special. I have shown other Moms who have lost babies the wonderful note and hat and they were amazed. It really does give comfort, even though it has been 6 years, I still have hard days. I plan on hanging the hat on our Christmas tree this year for everyone to see. It takes someone very special to be able to provide this to all of the parents who have lost a baby.
Alison
Calvin's Hats provided my sweet twins with hats. Landyn was diagnosed at 23 weeks with Alobar Holopresencephaly, Larsyn is perfect ! I had Landyn and Larsyn July 31,2009 and Landyn wore his hat that fit him perfect ! It is one of my most treasured items and memory of him ! It gave me a great deal of comfort to have a hat to fit my sweet 3 lb 4 oz perfect baby boy. Landyn lived 3 wonderful hours in our arms ! We thank you from the heart for this precious hat !
Shanna
The day before Thanksgiving in 2006 I found out that I was pregnant. It was the day I have waited for my whole life. When I made it to twenty weeks, I thought everything was ok and so did my doctor. Went for my first ultrasound and he said it looks like a girl I was in heaven. Two weeks later I had these horrible pains. Went I got to the hospital they admitted me. When I saw the doctor he said I was in labor and that they were going to try to stop it. If the baby is born now it is too tiny to surive.I had my daughter Kimberly at 6:44am and her heart stopped beating at 7:11am on March 1, 2007. Eight weeks later I found out I was pregnant Again At my first Ultrasound they found the baby had a lot of fuild around her and after more testing they said there was a very good chance that my baby would not be born alive. I felt like I wanted to die. How could this happen to me again? I kept the pregnancy and at 24 week I went into labor. On October 6, 2007 I gave birth to my second daughter Jessica Marie. Then all over again I felt nothing and just cried all the time. Now I have two babies girls that have died. I carried my third daughter to 38 weeks and finally had a baby to take home with me.
Tracie
Hello I am Jessica, we had our twins May 20th at 4am. Both were with us for 45 minutes and then passed. We miss them very much. I was hoping to see if I could get two hats. One Pink for our little girl Charlie Ann and a blue one for our baby boy Benjamin David? Thank you
Jessica
I would so love to have a hat in memory of my son Lucas... we lost him at 22 weeks just 4 weeks ago. Everything they gave him at the hospital was too stained to keep after the autopsy. I am so grateful and humbled by what you do! Thanks so much!!!
Christy
Thank you so much. I work at OHSU Labor and Delivery and have felt bad putting hats that were to large or just didn't look right on those dear babies.
Tamara
I have been searching on the internet for days trying to find help and support for the loss of my first child at 19 weeks to Holoprosencephaly, and I came across your site which I find truly amazing!! You are the first site that actually gave me a little bit of hope. We just lost our daughter Friday, 9-18-09 the worst day of our lives...We decided to name her Kaylee. The amount of love we have for her is just truly amazing. We love her and miss her with everything we have..I guess I just wanted to share a piece of my story and to also thank you for the smile you placed on my face when I came across your site, so Thank You.
Kristina - New York
What a precious boy Calvin is! I too know the mixed emotions of loss. My baby Leah had Alobar HPE, was able to live 99 precious days before going to Heaven. I'd love to find a way to be involved with your group. Let me know what your needs are in order of priority. ~ HPE has touched many, and will continue to do so. Yet the support of those of us a bit farther down this journey, have such an essential purpose as others are just receiving their heartshattering diagnosis.
Kristine - Oregon
I lost a baby years ago at 20 weeks.. And although I never met our little one I have never forgotten his/her life. - I'll be sending you some hats one day soon... thanks for doing this for other families.
Patti
I just came across your website today and was brought to tears. I lost my twin baby girls on July, 8 2009 @ 20 weeks and since then have been looking for support and ideas on how I can help other people struggling with the loss of a child. I think you are doing such a wonderful service!! If possible I would love to have a hat to keep in memory of my daughters! Thank you!
Jennifer
